i m confused
I was talking hypothetically about being an old woman with a missing tooth just for the laugh. The point is i don’t want to have a black eye or a significant injury on my face during kick boxing practice, but that goes with the whole package I suppose. A black eye is never appealing, only Gina could have a black eye as the photo and still look good
But i suppose u talked meatphorically? i m also lost but dont get me wrong, cant fully coprehead the meanings behing an english text... Im having baby steps...
As for my troubled psychology, what I m going through its not something it can’t be seen and it hurts a lot more that a physical injury. Its like if I had a missing hand everyone could see it & finally understand that all this attitude of mine its not fiction or stories of a unattended girl that seeks for attention. (that last part was for my parents, they try really hard to comprehend that I have a mental issue, a serious one that cuts me from the rest of the world and transforms me in to a scared little kid while that kid wants others to behave it like an adult. Maybe physical pain through kick boxing or tiredness could balance that monopoly my mind has all these years.
Gina introduced us this wonderful world of martial arts, and its something that is appealing to me, not because that Gina was in that path but I feel related to it, and I believe it could really help me in more than one ways. It made it more appealing to mass crowd who has the general sense that all this violence could not be good especially for women, but as we seek to it we understand that’s not the case.
I m afraid P0d mostly my way to the gym instead of the practice its self. Im afraid my condition after the practice, if I feel fainted or dizzy how am I going to hospital or the thought that I m goanna die because my heart beats lost it again and I ll be at some foreign place with a bunch of strangers feel sorry for me while they wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Nightmare. Public humiliation is a nightmare. The key is to be in peace with my inner self, ultimately if I don’t care about what others think of me I ll be cured.
Easy to say hard to do.
But all we do, specially our generation is to describe or analyze things instead of actually doing them. I m tired of talking, I m tired of that side of me, I have to do things, and I need ppl to remind me that. In that sense, my friends-parents & u guys come here and push me for the jump. Friends & parents are tired of me, and I totally get it, I m always saying that I ll do that and I never do (because I m afraid) so they know what to expect from me with no hard feelings.
Something we admire is always a boost and a motive to become better, better in a meaningful way not superficial stuff that occupied our minds when we were 15 or something. Gina has the morals and the background to be a perfect role model in my opinion. The focus is on the moral side of her that makes us to admire & follow her through time, beauty and shine is something that triggers our enthusiasm but it will blow out soon when all its about that.
I m always flipping thoughts unfortunately, but FEAR rules me, and that’s the reason for my hesitation whether I go to the gym or not. Im not afraid a single bit when I m about to face someone in practice, I m very confident in that area, but while my feelings are boosted there, my FEAR for anything other related and adjacent to that makes me incapable to actually jump in the whole thing. Im actually afraid of tense heartbeats, and what that means?
I m afraid of anything that could shake the my calm waters, that could make my heart pump faster...In other words I am afraid to live...The funny thing is that noone knows or suspect something for me, i look like the average unsecure girl that she is lazy as hell thats why she don't go to bars or having some fun with her life. Sometimes i wish they all knew, but they couldnt understand...But i m cool with that, i came in piece with it.
I made of my mind, although it feels like I m signing my death penalty in my way to the gym. Feels like the last thing I m goanna do. Stupid, odd and for sure something to laugh about I realize it but that’s the case.
